Brad and Angelina adopt 384th child

Brad and Angelina were spotted adopting their 384th child in the Phillipines last week.

Earlier in the day, the power couple were told by the Phillipino Adoption Government Department Thinger to “get fucked.”  (actual quote).  However, “Brangelina” refused to take no for an answer, and pulled out the big guns.

Wandering the streets of Manilla with a rusty AK-47 loaned from Jimmy the Crack Dealer’s cousin, Angelina went from baby stroller to baby stroller looking for the right one.  Brad watched the rear with a gatling gun mounted to the top of their ‘fuck the earth’ H1 Hummer.  Once Angelina picked out one, or two, or thirty-eight small children, the duo opened fire and took out all witnesses.

Would Angie recommend this type of adoption to others?  ”Absolutely.”  Hubby Brad added, “It was such a heartfelt moment, when Angelina found another little darling, and then capped the birth mother’s ass.  She lay the smack down on that mo-fo, fo shizzle!”

What’s under Stephen Harper’s sweater?

During tonight’s Leader’s Debate, NDP leader Jack Layton asked Prime Minister Stephen Harper, “Where’s your platform?  Under your sweater?”

Mr. Harper responded by recycling a bunch of soundbites, kind of like a speak-and-spell reprogrammed with big words like “new economy” and “environmental targets” and “don’t tell mommy where I touched you.”  In other words, he didn’t have a platform under his wooly shell of doom.  So what could be under his sweater?

1) A cold, black stone where a human’s heart would go–borrowed from Margaret Thatcher

2) A platform. Not a political platform, but the thing you stand on at the top of the slide at a kid’s playground. It was bolted down, but Stevie brought a wrench when he was waiting around to steal children’s souls.

3) A crash-proof fuel tank full of liquified creepiness to fuel his smile.

4) Extra batteries. Very important during a campaign because we all know HE’S A FUCKING ROBOT!!

5) Children’s souls (see #2)

6) Candy: used as bait (see #2)

7) Tasers to use on single mothers begging for change to supplement their daycare “bonus.” Nothing against single moms, they just stand in the way (see #2)

8: Blueprints for a giant battle station in outer space, destined to become the ultimate power in the universe.

9) The new Guns & Roses CD, “Chinese Democracy.” He was going to buy some Feist and Leah Erbe singles off iTunes, but thought buying Gunners was a good way to not support the arts in Canada.

10) Chuck Norris. Just kidding, Chuck Norris is hiding behind Jack Layton’s moustache.

Things that probably aren’t under his sweater but very well could be:

Axl Rose:  Axl’s strong leadership of Guns & Roses lead to the longest arena tour, with the most sold-out crowds, and still lost money hand over fist.  For his encore, Axl forced out the talent in the band, who went on to create another supergroup called Velvet Revolver that saw success beyond anyone’s wildest imaginations.  Sadly, Axl is not in Stephen Harper’s sweater because there’s not enough room for all those children’s souls AND Axl’s crackpipe.

Brains:  Although it is sometimes hard to tell, STEPHEN HARPER IS A FUCKING ROBOT!! and not a Zombie.  Therefore, he doesn’t need to keep a tasty snack-pack of human grey matter under his sweater during heated exchange.

Condoms:  Harper is all about the pro-life.  That’s why he doesn’t use birth control while fucking our country.

Any other questions?

Hot Housewives Gone Wild!

That’s not what I originally started out trying to draw, but it almost looks like it.  This sketch is actually about a month old now–I did it the night after the last crappy one, but I’ve been kinda “busy” lately.  And by “busy” I mean “lazy.”  And by “Lazy,” I mean using the wedding as an excuse to not do important stuff, like clean the kitchen.   

I might actually try colorizing this one later, just to see what happens.  Then again, maybe not….

Hot topless punk rock chick!

Welcome to my blog.  Or, if you got here by googling the above headline, welcome to my blog, you freakin’ pervert!

Anyways, I picked up the sketchpad and made some bad drawrings after work.  Here’s one of them:

 

And that’s proof that I still can’t draw for shit.  But don’t worry, I’m working on it.

Come swimming at The Forks…

Come swimming at The Forks!  Heck, swim the entire riverwalk!  Why not, the whole thing is 2 feet underwater!

I suck at drawing (part I)

Proof that I currently suck at drawing:

I didn’t used to suck.  I used to be really, really good.  Really.  Honestly.  I’ll even prove it, once I find my old sketchpad.  But for now, I suck.  Stay tuned to see if I get better….

Welcome to the other blog

Hi.  I’m Jordan.  I run a nifty little blog with pictures of cars and trucks and hot rods (oh my!).

This isn’t that blog.

This blog will be my “creative outlet” when I’m sick of looking at cars.  And to put stuff when I practice to become a rich & famous photographer and/or graphic designer.  And to promote my eventual solo photo book, “The Many Deaths of a Chocolate Bunny.”

No, really.

Hello world!

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